I have always struggled with my self-confidence since I can remember. Being picked on in elementary school and being called “skinny bone Jones” or “Pinocchio” definitely had a toll on my early adolescent life.
Then I moved into my early adulthood I found a new confidence by joining the Navy at 18, going out on my own, and exploring the world. I was finally becoming my own person and leaving those negative thoughts about myself in the dust or so I thought.
Then life started to get more complicated…men lol. I started finally dating at age 18 and had no clue how this would change me as a person. Let’s just say after my fair share of toxic relationships and I was back to point A. Self-confidence gone, self-doubt at an all time high, and no energy to change it.
It’s amazing how 1 person can change that! Really! Think about it. One person walks into your life, quickly becomes the best thing that ever happened to you and then just as fast becomes the worst.
Well I finally said screw that and was ready to get myself back and discover who I was again as a person. I didn’t want to be defined by negative thinking and words of others. So I changed it!
Whether you’ve had toxic relationship with men (or women) that didn’t appreciate you, were picked on as a child, or even verbally abused by family members, there is still things that you can do to find your self-confidence again. It’s not a lost cause! I am now more confident than ever and have pushed myself to be a more confident and better person.
10 Ways to Boost Self-Confidence
NO. 1 RECOGNIZE YOUR NEGATIVE THINKING
First things first! You need to recognize the negative thoughts in your head. Once you recognize your negative thoughts you can then replace them with positive ones. For example I would hear from myself “You’re not smart enough to do this” or “This is too hard, you’ll never finish it.” Well that is negative self-talk at its finest and most definitely not true. So I would replace it with positive affirmations like “You are smart. If you don’t know how to do it, you’ll learn to do it” and “You are strong and can get through it one step at a time.” This is a small step to having more positive thoughts and in return boosting your self-esteem and confidence.
NO. 2 SELF CARE AND GROOMING
When is the last time you put some time & effort into your appearance and self and not felt good about it afterwards? Probably never! It’s amazing how a little makeup or me time can instantly change your mood. I know when I do my hair nicely, put on some makeup or give myself a mini pedicure it changes my mood almost instantly.
RELATED: 10 Self Love Practices
NO. 3 STAND UP TALL
Having good posture is not one of my best characteristics and I struggle everyday with this. But I notice when I walk with my head high and back strong and tall I feel better about myself. I used to walk with my head down and slouched and it made me feel exactly how it made me look. This small change makes a world of difference.
NO. 4 BE KIND TO OTHERS
This sounds a little cliché but it’s true. When you actively are kind to others it makes you feel like a good person. Say hi to people, hold doors, or offer help. These small acts of kindness really help build your self-image and confidence.
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ~ Aesop
NO. 5 DRESS YOUR BEST
Having a cute outfit on always makes me feel more confident. This could be a basic outfit or something more dressed up. Wear what makes you feel good. This goes along with NO. 2. When you feel good about your appearance, you’re most often feeling comfortable in your own skin, which shines as confidence.
Leggings | Sports Bra | Trainer Shoes
NO. 6 EXERCISE
One thing, endorphins! This hormone not only suppresses pain but gives you good feelings after too. This is my go to when I feel crappy. I get a good workout in and my whole mood changes. It also reduces anxiety (which I have), reduces stress, and boost self-esteem. So go take a hike and get the heart pumping. 🙂
NO. 7 STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
This one is so hard to do in this social media driven generation. There are SO MANY people to compare ourselves to. I’m guilty of comparing myself to other bloggers and other women who are amazingly fit and the same age as me. We need to stop comparing ourselves. When I find myself doing this I got back to NO. 1. I recognize that these are negative thoughts and I then tell myself something positive.
NO. 8 SMILE
It’s true what they say, “you’re never fully dressed without a smile.” I get it, some days are harder than others. Especially if you’re going through some shit. But if you just try to smile through the funk, you will more than likely get a smile back and in return feel better.
NO. 9 CHANGE SMALL HABITS
Making small habit changes can be so rewarding. For me, getting up 10-15 minutes earlier for work leaves me less stressed and gives me more time to get myself together. I almost always look more presentable and put together than if I was in a rush. I’ve also started bullet journaling to help me stay on top of task. When I accomplish these tasks I feel so good about myself.
NO. 10 JUST SAY F*%K IT!
Stop caring what people think. I used to be obsessed with what people thought about me. Probably one of the insecurities I adopted from those toxic relationships I was talking about earlier. It’s so stupid lol! People are probably not even paying attention to you in the first place or worrying about the same thing. Let your worries go and be yourself. Live! The confidence that comes from letting that worry go is so worth it.
Be a flamingo in a flock of pigeons!
These are all things I’ve learned to work through and incorporate on my and I’m finally becoming confident and comfortable in my own skin! It’s been a long journey but it’s been worth it.
Samantha | The Life You Love Blog says
Seriously so in love with this post and thankful for your honesty about your journey with your self-confidence. You seem like such a beautiful person inside and out! Those leggings are gorgeous, by the way!
Awe thank you so much Sam. That means a lot too me. It’s been a long journey for me but so worth it. Oh and these leggings? Costco!! $13.99!! haha
the sofieyah diaries says
‘fuck it’ is totally my mantra, esp when I catch myself overthinking, and thereby over stressing about a particular situation (even if the situation is totally not stress-worthy!). This is a great list!
Yes girl! I overthink everything haha. I just have to take a deep breath and calm down.
I love your tips, and I love how personal you were in this post! I definitely have trouble with negative thoughts – I want to reshape the way I talk about everything, from my appearance to my financial state.
It’s hard but you can do it. It’s just a matter of training your mind. For me I became so negative in my thinking but practice and repetition got me that way. So I did the same thing just with more positive thoughts. 🙂
Amanda Faber says
All of these points are so true!! Especially #1
Yes! That’s the main thing that has helped me on this journey. 🙂
Tiffany Khyla says
I love this so much! Bringing joy and showing kindness to others definitely is something that boosts my happiness and makes me feel good about myself. I love that you mentioned that here.
It does! I like to see how people react to kindness and happiness too! Some people don’t know what to do lol or look at you like “what’s she on?”
Love all of these tips! I 100% feel you on the boy thing, my first boyfriend destroyed my self-esteem. Pinning this for later!
Lauren // http://laurensjourney.com
Right there with you! After that I just jumped from shitty relationship to shitty relationship haha. But I finally found someone who values me. 🙂
I’ve started getting up earlier for work also and it soooo pays off!! 🙂
It does! This is so hard for me because i’m not a morning person. But just 15 mins makes so much of a difference.
being kind is SO important!
It is! There’s so many mean and angry people in the world. Definitely don’t need any more of that! haha.
Christine! This was a beautiful post!! So much truth!
Grace | miss-graciela.blogspot.com
Thank you so much! 🙂
Audrey Knizek says
Love this post! All your tips and great and relatable. I used to harp on what people thought about me, but as I’m getting older I’m learning to say F*** it and just do what I want. It’s your life, not someone else’s, so do what makes YOU happy. Also, a cute outfit always helps!
Exactly Audrey! Life is too short to care what other people think! 🙂
Love this! We can all work on that little inside voice of self doubt, and these tips are great help!
Thank you Liz! Yes! It’s definitely something that need to be tamed. 🙂
This was such a great read! It’s so important to believe in yourself and have that self confidence. Working out and dressing up always makes me feel more confident.
I’m glad you liked it! Me too! It’s crazy what a little sweat and clothes can do for your mood. 🙂
Such a great post! Self-care and getting rid of the negativity are the biggest ones for me!
Me too! Especially the negativity. I’m always working on it but it’s definitely my #1.
Rachel @ The Confused Millennial says
These are great tips! getting rid of negativity is so big! I constantly am setting boundaries around the conversations and people I allow into my life!
That’s so good! It’s important to do that especially at a young age. We can become surround by negativity so quickly. So already having those boundaries in place can prevent those negative vibes.
Nicole Booz says
#1 is so huge for me! I wasn’t able to change anything until I objectively looked at my negative thoughts, behaviors, and patterns.
Me too girl! It’s helped me so much!
McKenna Bleu says
I love all of these! what a great post 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Mckenna!
Girl, from what I can tell you have nothing to be self conscience about! You look amazing and I can tell from your writing and social media that you’re probably one of the sweetest, most genuine people out there! But I agree that loving yourself is the first and most important step to feeling confident. People can tell you all day you’re amazing, but if YOU don’t believe it, it means nothing.
Awe thank you Rachel. That means a lot to me. We are our worst critic! You’re probably right I don’t have anything to be self conscience about lol but damn that mind is powerful and tells me otherwise. But I’m finally, at 31, rising above the negative thoughts. 🙂
Candice Nikeia says
I loved the tip on recognizing when we are thinking negative! That is so important!
It is! That is the very first step to being happy with yourself. 🙂
This is so great! I love the recognizing your negativity part because that’s generally the first step! Also excercising helps me so much!
I agree. Without that step you can’t even start to be happy with yourself.
The Southern Thing says
This is awesome advice! It’s crazy what a cute outfit can do! It works every time!
It really does! haha
Loved this post! Oddly enough it was just what I needed to read today!
Awe I’m glad you enjoyed it! 🙂 Just embrace your beautiful self in all it’s flaws and imperfections. Acceptance is a big step.
Stella Rockn says
I love this post, and it’s so true! Mastering our thoughts and taking care of ourselves, whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually is necessary for growth, and with growth comes self-confidence. No. 7 and 10 too are on point. I think a lot of insecurities people have are due to comparing. and Yes F-it! It’s liberating to not be concerned about what others have to say. There’s an old saying, “worry about yourself.” LOL. This is motivating, thanks!
Awe thank you sister! Yes I think learning to not care what people think is so important. They’re not creating your life, you are. Yes worry about yourself and all will be good. haha.
It really does! haha